HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
