DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
