apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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