I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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