what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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