I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
