Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
