Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
