the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
