I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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