Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
