Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Be still, my beating vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
