just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
