i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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