You smell like a Billy Joel song
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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