did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
