Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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