Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
