I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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