I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize