sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize