Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's blow job season.
I just had sex on a roof
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
