Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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