I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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