Small penises have feelings too.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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