Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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