so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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