Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
