whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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