she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
