i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
