We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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