dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
