I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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