I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize