I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
