I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We are two peas in an std pod
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
