FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
