How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
