I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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