WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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