Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
