i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
