Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
