Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
only if we run a train.
done.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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