So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
