We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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