it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
