I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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