I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i dont even know how to be here
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
