I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
