i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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