Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i love accidental penises.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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