I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
