my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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