Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize