Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
