I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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