That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
