You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
