It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
