remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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