I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
