lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
