College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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