i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
