i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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