I need to stop coming to work sober
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
