You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
