I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
