I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
