Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
